As a counsellor and psychotherapist with a background in humanistic psychotherapy , I understand that supporting children and young people in developing the skills to self-regulate is a vital aspect of their emotional and mental wellbeing. Self-regulation is not something children are born with; it is a skill that needs to be learned over time through experience, co-regulation, and guidance from caring, calm adults.
In my practice, I take a relational, holistic approach, working with each child or young person in a way that recognizes their unique needs and experiences. In this blog, we’ll explore 5 key ways to help a child develop self-regulation and highlight the benefits of self-regulation for a child’s physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
1. Model Emotional Regulation
Before a child can learn to self-regulate, they need to see what emotional regulation looks and feels like. This is where co-regulation comes in. Children can only learn how to manage their emotions through interactions with consistent, calm, and emotionally available adults. As parents, caregivers, or educators, we serve as role models in showing how to manage stress, frustration, or anger.
Co-regulation works because children’s nervous systems are highly responsive to the emotional states of those around them. When a child experiences heightened emotions such as fear or anger, they often struggle to regulate on their own. A calm, grounded adult can help to ‘reset’ their emotional state by providing a sense of safety, stability, and emotional containment.
The key to effective co-regulation is consistency. When children repeatedly experience a calm, responsive adult, they begin to internalize these emotional regulation strategies. Over time, they will be better able to self-regulate their own emotions.
2. Teach Breathing Techniques to Engage the Body
Breathing is one of the most accessible and powerful tools for self-regulation, especially when a child is feeling overwhelmed or anxious. The autonomic nervous system controls the body’s fight-or-flight response, and it’s closely linked to breathing patterns. When we’re stressed, our breath tends to become shallow and rapid, signalling to the brain that there’s danger. By consciously slowing the breath down, we can send a message to the brain that the threat has passed which helps calm the fight-or-flight response.
Teaching a child to take deep, slow breaths—perhaps using a fun, simple technique like "5 finger breathing” or “blowing out candles"—can be an effective way to help them self-regulate. You could also use bubbles, or blowing up balloons and letting them go, to engage children with their breathing.
The key is repetition. When children practice breathing exercises regularly at times when they are already in a calm space, they become familiar with the calming effects and can then use them in moments of distress. This is especially beneficial when they experience moments of hyperarousal (feeling ‘too much’) or hypo-arousal (feeling emotionally ‘shut down’).
3. Incorporate Sensory Grounding Techniques
Sensory grounding techniques are incredibly helpful for children when they need to anchor themselves in the present moment. These techniques involve engaging the five senses—sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste—as a way to interrupt overwhelming emotions or thoughts. Sensory grounding helps children shift from an overwhelmed state (hyperarousal) to a calmer, more present state.
Some examples of sensory grounding activities include:
- Touch: Holding onto a soft, textured object (such as a stress ball or a soft piece of fabric or cuddly toy) can help calm the nervous system. As can the feel of a hot or cold drink.
- Sight: Focusing on an object in the room, like a picture or a plant, and noticing its details can help refocus the mind.
- Sound: Listening to calming music or nature sounds can provide a soothing auditory distraction from overwhelming thoughts or feelings.
- Taste and Smell: Chewing gum, eating a piece of fruit, or using essential oils can stimulate the senses in a grounding way.
These simple activities can be a lifeline for a child who is struggling to cope with overwhelming emotions. By teaching them to tap into their senses, we give them a tool they can use when they’re feeling anxious, upset, or overstimulated.
4. Provide Predictable Routines and Transitions
A key aspect of self-regulation is the ability to anticipate and navigate change, especially transitions. Many children, particularly those who are sensitive, have experienced trauma or have ADHD or autism, may struggle with sudden changes in their environment or daily routine. Providing a predictable structure helps children feel secure which allows them to manage their emotions more effectively.
For example, setting up clear routines for daily activities—like mealtimes, schoolwork, and bedtime—gives children a sense of predictability. Likewise, using visual cues (like a timetable or picture charts) for transitions can help children prepare mentally and emotionally for what’s coming next. When children know what to expect, they are less likely to become anxious or overwhelmed by transitions, which can help them stay regulated.
Routine also involves the sensory environment. For instance, if a child is sensitive to noise or bright lights, you might create a calming space for them to retreat to when they need a break. When children have the tools to self-soothe and can anticipate changes, they are better able to regulate their emotions and reactions. While we can also support children in understanding that there are no right or wrong feelings. Each feeling is accepted and serves a purpose. (More on this in an upcoming blog).
5. Encourage Physical Activity and Play
Physical movement is an essential tool for emotional regulation. When children engage in regular physical activity, it helps to release pent-up energy, reduce stress, and promote positive emotions. Activities like running, jumping, dancing, or yoga can release emotions and stimulate the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and calm.
Incorporating play into a child’s day is also crucial. Play allows children to express their emotions in a safe, creative way and helps them process difficult feelings. Play can also provide an outlet for excess energy, and it encourages children to engage with their environment and peers in a healthy way. Whether it’s outdoor play, imaginative games, or physical play like building with blocks or climbing, it can help children regulate their emotions while also promoting their overall mental health.
The Impact of Teaching Self-Regulation
Teaching children how to self-regulate is not only beneficial for their immediate emotional state but also contributes to their long-term physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. When children are able to manage their emotions effectively, they can better handle stress, build healthier relationships, and perform well in school and extracurricular activities.
Learning to self-regulate also helps children manage their body's fight-or-flight response. By practicing self-regulation techniques, children can shift out of states of hyperarousal (where they may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or frantic) and hypo-arousal (where they may feel numb or disconnected). This balance promotes a healthier autonomic nervous system and supports their overall resilience in the face of challenges.
The skills of self-regulation create lasting benefits that will serve children and young people throughout their lives, improving their ability to navigate stress, build emotional intelligence, and engage with the world around them in a calm, grounded way.
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Interested in 1:1 Counselling or Psychotherapy?
If you’re interested in learning more about how counselling and psychotherapy can support you or your child in developing self-regulation and overall emotional wellbeing, please get in touch via my website Counselling Creations (http://www.counselling-creations.co.uk). I offer 1:1 therapy sessions tailored to each client’s unique needs, drawing on a range of therapeutic techniques to help children, adolescents, and adults navigate life’s challenges with greater emotional and self-awareness.
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